Can someone please tell me just what the hell these emoticons mean?

:">

:-SS

:-*

Do they actually mean anything or can homeboy just not type? I'm so not l33t.
If they mean something terribly vulgar I'm going to be SO MAD.

Just overheard in the ladies' room (aka cell phone lounge):

"Grandmom better stop running her fucking mouth like the tramp that she is!"

(Sorry, lj, I seem to be heavy on posts and light on content today. But I just had to share that.)

There is a man at my workplace with the New York Yankees logo tattooed on his face. Discuss.

Is an actual book. On the back it says "She's a lady--treat her like one."

I just opened it up randomly and the chapter was about how to talk your woman into fellatio.

There is a punchline to this, I just can't find it. Feel free to give me a hand...

I just saw a man wearing sweatpants with a portion of the Second Amendment printed on them. That's the single most confusing thing I've seen in a long time. The designer's name was on the front across the knees and I tried to see what it said but I didn't want to stare too long because, hey-he could be packing.
( in other news )